I have been getting back into Intermittent Fasting (IF) lately. Up until December 2020, I was BIG into it, and all through last summer and fall as well. 16/8 (16hrs fasted & 8hr fed window), the occasional 24HR, and even a few 60HR Reboots along the way. January, February and March were HUGE workout months for me. I spent some serious time in the hot room, and on the mat in my home workout space. Since losing over 100lbs, I’m realizing that my old ways of fueling myself and viewing my intake no longer serve me. I am no longer 250+lbs. I am working out like an athlete – this statement still trips me up! In February, I focused in on my protein intake and really upped it. March was the Steam House Olympics and had me hitting a total of 40 classes last month! After months of gains, it is time to refocus on cutting. I am so incredibly happy with how far I have come, but I need to reconnect with my original goal: I want to be able to do a strict pull up. There is so much that goes into this movement. Yes, I’ve packed on muscle mass, however I also have to be able to move this mass through the air now! Hence why I need to refocus on leaning out again. If someone asked me for a number, I suppose I would say I’d like to lose another 20-30lbs.
Now you have the WHAT and the WHY behind the moves I’m making as of late. Now let me tell you a little bit about the HOW, which includes what I am doing and also what I am noticing along the way. I am two days back into 16/8 fasting and I am noticing some significant differences from what I remember about IF. I do remember having mood shifts and extreme feelings during the longer fasts previously. Fasting creates an altered state within your body, there is no doubt about that. I noticed great irritation and frustration rising up in me yesterday, and I had an “ah-ha” moment. I realized that this fasted altered state was causing me to have an emotional flashback. The conditions I create in my body when I fast are the same as those I created when I was very young and in a traumatic time in my life. I would go all day without eating in middle school, when I was about 12 to 16 years old. I also held in negative emotions, like anger and sadness as they were not allowed. This time in my life also burdened me with a great amount of guilt and shame. These things in combination led to a very unhealthy relationship with food in my formative years. Combine that with working at Dunkin’ Donuts and getting free food on-shift and it was the perfect storm of weight gain and self-loathing. When I am in this altered state now, it feels like a déjà vu, but a nightmarish one. My mind turns against me and that dark inner voice gains power. Taking notice of this shift has been my first step to changing it. I have to remind myself that I am no longer in that space where my power was taken from me. I am an adult now, with skills, knowledge and experience which will keep me safe.
Two days into IF and I have dropped 6lbs. Water weight? Oh, you bet. It is great to feel this bloat come off. I know what IF does for my progress and my body. I also am aware of the challenges and triggers that IF can present. For me, the benefits outweigh the risks. I’m slowly changing the landscape within my mind to better handle these challenges. This altered body state may remain a trigger for me in some regard, due to the physiological element, yet the more I become aware, the more I realize my ability to change how I respond.
AJ Butler Wellness 